rite of passage

It was one of those things that I’ve wanted since I was a child. Everyone around me had one, why couldn’t I have one? My parents would always staunchly disagree with me. They couldn’t understand why I needed this. Years would go by and the idea would be left to the wayside but the desire never waned. Finally, in an act of rebellion I pulled the trigger. I bought myself a pet all to myself. My life was complete.

in transition

Wanderlust

-noun

a strong, innate desire to rove or travel about.

a bit under the weather

I’ve been bogged down lately with a bout of the flu. Needless to say, it has put quite a cramp in my social life (not that I have much of one regardless). I think it’s a bit ironic that I get a large volume of calls these days when I haven’t the energy nor the will to go anywhere. Haven’t been outside in days. Luckily, the weather hasn’t been terribly amazing, so I’m not missing out on much. The first week of summer and I get sick. Awesome timing. It had to happen when I was trying to find a job too. Once this lets up, it’ll be back to job searching. Still need to pick up a gym pass so I can get a decent amount of exercise this summer. Time to whip myself back into shape.

I hope this isn’t the swine flu.

honestly?

The other day, Sue asked me what I’ve learned this year. I couldn’t give her more than a general answer with a vague description of self-change and growth. But in actuality, I’ve come to realize one thing about this year. I made a lot of empty promises.

As this school year started, I kept thinking to myself that something felt different, that something was missing. Looking back, maybe it was simply me the whole time. It was all in my head (just like my imaginary friends). It’s not an easy thing to admit, but I’m becoming more and more unreliable as a friend and Christian. Off the top of my head, I recall promising to attend church every Sunday, attend the weekly prayer meetings, tend to the incoming freshmen, stop ordering in, stop buying things I don’t “need”, work out, run every week, practice basketball, read books at a coffee shop, attend my classes, talk to my brother, give CCF another try, try not to annoy other people, be a good friend, be a good leader, lead small groups, etc. There is definitely more than that, but I honestly don’t want to go on because it’s downright discouraging. Out of the list, I have accomplished none of those.

Zero, zip, nada.

Good on ya Dave, you set the bar for failure at an all-time high. I couldn’t even keep promises to myself. How does that even work? Of course I’m telling myself that next year will be different, that I’ll give it another go. But who am I kidding? Looking at my track record, the evidence is overwhelmingly against me.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this mentally drained and exhausted. Honestly, this year was the stink. Downright crummy at times. Sure, there were a few redeeming moments sprinkled here and there. I hold onto those warm moments whenever I can. It’s all I can do to avoid a mental breakdown.

Damn.

a day in the life of

5:09 AM

browse websites in a sleepy stupor; back pain

5:17 AM

climb into bed after setting the alarm for some obscure hour in the day

10:01 AM

sleepily reach for the damn phone; set snooze

10:10 AM

second alarm goes off; curses ring along with the alarm

10:11 AM

check weather; pack essentials into backpack

10: 15 AM

squint eyes against the bright sun

10:21 AM

arrive in hell

11:36 AM

mind awakens from brainfart

11:41 AM

climb back into bed; alarm set

2:00 PM

awake to alarm; decide against going to class

5:47 PM

stomach grumbles from lack of sustenance

6:01 PM

shuffle into the cafetaria rubbing the sleep out of the eyes

6:02 PM

grumble about the lack of good eats

7:30 PM

sit at computer

5:01 AM

scan websites; back pain